I'm Fine
by DaNextDarkLord
Summary: Amy always says she's fine, even if she's not. Set after "A Day in the Life". May contain spoilers.
1. Lies

**A/N: This is my first attempt at a multichapter fanfic. Please review, especially with concrit, because otherwise the story will spiral into a plotless pile of shit that no one wants to read... so review! The chapter is painfully short at about 400 words, but I find that if I write small amounts at a time, I'll be happier writing it, and will most likely update quicker. Anyway, hope you enjoy. **

"Hey, this is Amy. Leave a message, and I'll call back later."

"Oh hi Amy, its Natara, just call-"  
Amy sprinted across her tiny bedroom and scooped up her phone.

"Hello, Natara? Sorry, i didn't hear the phone"

"It's ok; I was just calling to wish you a Happy New Year anyway... Well  
actually Blaise and I were planning on going out tonight. By that, I mean she's  
dragging me out to a club, and I want someone else to suffer with me" Natara  
paused "I know you were planning on staying in, but... Do you want to join  
us?"

"... Uh, actually I don't really feel like going out tonight, if that's ok  
with you? I mean, i'll probably just watch TV and go to bed at ten"

Amy regretted it as soon as she said it, guessing Natara would be disappointed.  
Sure enough, the agents reply was filled with complicated emotion as she  
carefully asked "well, if you're sure... Amy, are you going to be  
ok?"

Tears slipped down Amy's cheeks when she heard not disappointment, but concern,  
layered with a helplessness she didn't like hearing in her friends voice. She  
hurriedly wiped the tears away, willing her voice to sound normal.

"Really Natara, I'll be fine. Happy New Year, and don't do anything I  
wouldn't do! Yeah... Ok, you too... Bye!

Amy clicked the end call button on her phone and tossed it away.

_I'm fine.  
I'm fine.  
I'm fine._

_Isn't that the biggest lie we ever tell?  
Along with "seriously, I didn't have that much to drink"_

Amy suddenly burst into laughter, a shrill sound that pierced the silence of  
her apartment, scaring even herself.

She caught her reflection in the mirror, and the sound stopped as quickly as it  
started.

Amy moved closer to the mirror, studying her features. She hated how she looked  
when she cried - the bright red nose that showed up after about a second of  
being upset, and the blotchy colour under her eyes, the whites of which had  
gone completely red.

Amy collapsed into her favourite armchair, closing her aching, dry eyes, her  
last words echoing through her head.

Two little words, that she had gotten so sick of repeating to everyone over the  
last few days.

Yes, she would be fine. Just not today


	2. Reminiscing

**A/N: So this is going to be slightly AU. I started playing CoD when it was well into its fifth season, so I've missed a lot of background to the game. Paired with those times when I'm just too busy (or lacking in internet access) to download a chapter, and I end up missing key events. I would buy the episodes, but the cost adds up over time, and being without a part time job, I have to rely on birthday and Christmas iTunes cards, which are usually quickly spent on songs instead. Because of this, I know nothing of Kai's background other than that found on the CoD wiki, and I have to admit… I… missed the episode "A Day In The Life"… so imagine how I felt when I got the news in the next episode! Anyway, I shall end my pointless rambling and get back to the story. Review replies at the end of chapter!**

* * *

It had been just under a year since Ken had… Amy sighed as she realised she would eventually have to get up and do something – as attractive as staying in, and eating cookies and cream ice-cream in front of the Cartoon Network sounded, she couldn't risk falling back into a downwards spiral like last time. Sure, she hadn't been too bad, no illegal drugs or anything, and she'd managed to keep her job, but she disliked the alcohol tainted haze over the memories of those first few months.

Still, New Year's Eve, despite not being her favourite holiday, was going to be ruined by the memory of the last one. She and Ken had plans to meet up, but he had been tied up with family celebrations, and she ended up alone, watching the fireworks on TV. Ken came to her apartment the next day, slightly hung-over, but full of apologies and promises for the next New Year. He had stayed all day, she remembers now. She had decided to cook that day, and it proved slightly difficult to coerce him to join her…

_-New Year's Day, One Year Ago-_

"C'mon Ken, it's not like anyone is here to see you!"

"Ames, it's an apron. And it's baking. Dammit, Ken Greene doesn't bake cupcakes!"

Amy sighed. Time to pull out the heavy artillery.

"Please? For me? It's a New Year's Day tradition!"

She accompanied the plea with widened eyes and a hint of eyelash batting. Cheap shot, but it worked. Every time. Ken's resolve was already weakening.

"Well… ok, fine. But if you tell Mal ANYTHING… Even a hint that I agreed to this…"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll help you remain secure in your masculinity, blah blah blah…"

_-Later-_

"So. Next year. We'll do something together! Go out, maybe to a club… or to the festival in the park… or maybe go down to the beach, watch some fireworks. What do you think?"

"I don't know… let's just see where the evening takes us, huh? Plus, we have a whole year to think about it!"

Amy settled comfortably on the couch, curling into Ken's side. They were both full of the sugary desserts that were the results of their cooking, and were quite content to sit quietly and talk, reflecting on last year and making plans for the next, racing into the new year headfirst, with all the enthusiasm and blind hope of a child, unaware of their fate hanging over them like a three ton weight on a slowly tearing rope.

_-Present-_

Amy smiled despite herself. It _had _been a great day, once Ken got over his freak-out about the pink icing on her favourite chocolate cupcakes. They'd spent the rest of the day just spending time together, eating the delicious, if slightly messy, cupcakes, walking in the park down the street, and making jokey suggestions for New Year's resolutions for the rest of the gang at the precinct. She still remembered some of them, one of her favourites being Ken's insistence that Mal's resolution be to "strap on a pair and ask out Natara", because he was "so goddamn sick of all the underlying sexual tension" whenever the two were in the same room.

Amy finally decided to get up and get dressed – she'd been about to when Natara called, and then she'd ended reminiscing for about half an hour. It would do her good to get out of the house, maybe visit the new, cute coffee shop that opened up across the street.

She stepped out of her apartment building, pulling her coat around her shoulders a little tighter in an attempt to ward off the cold. The shop she'd noticed earlier was open and hummed with the activity of staff, cleaning up after the lunch rush. Amy's stomach growled, a reminder that breakfast was small and a very long time ago.

_Might as well get some lunch while I'm at it. _

_Or, to hell with lunch, just get about 5 different desserts, _Amy thought as she saw the masses of cake and cookies behind the glass counter.

Ten minutes later, she was sitting on a small armchair in the corner of the shop, happily sipping hot chocolate as she surveyed the remains of the cheesecake, panna cotta and cookie tasting plate that had made up her lunch.

_God, if I ever stopped going to the gym, I'd become a walrus overnight._

That wasn't the happiest thought, but she brushed it away, savouring the warmth of the minty hot chocolate. When she finished, she paid and left, reluctant to leave the heated interior of the shop.

Once Amy was safely home, and out of the freezing wind, she picked up her phone and texted Natara.

**dont feel like cartoons and choc tonite. plan still on? - A**

**Yes, definitely! Meet you outside your place at eight? – N**

**sure cya l8r. and nat, rlly? full sentences and correct grammar in a txt? - A**

**I can't help it! Ok, and wear something nice! -N**

* * *

**A/N: Yes, this messes with the timeline and events a little, but hey! It's fanfiction, and I'm only playing. (I guess now would be a good time to state the obvious and say: "I don't own CoD"). The changes I made include: Amy didn't quit her job, she didn't join Brimstone and she didn't get piercings and blue hair. And I've said she lives in an apartment – not sure if her residence has ever been mentioned in the game? If it has, PM me or leave a review and I might get around to fixing it – unless, of course, her living situation impacts my later plans for the plot.**

**Also, because of the aforementioned missed episodes, I can't directly reference Amy and Ken's first date, the whole South America fiasco, or even the exact events surrounding Ken's death.**

**I wrote this chapter while eating ice-cream (cookies and cream, to be exact) and watching Ben 10, so I apologise for any randomness or OOC-ness. **

**Mozzi-girl: Thanks very much for the praise, and I hope you keep reading, and hopefully occasionally reviewing – but no pressure J**

**Jacey: Thank you also for your review. Let me begin by saying I don't wish for my story to be removed in the future (I may be paranoid, but you never know), so I won't be writing anything too explicit. **


	3. New Year's Kisses

**A/N: This chapter... I need to say, I'm not that happy with it. I think I've messed up the characters' personalities a little, hopefully not too much. Overall, I think it kinda sucks, but it was a necessary plot addition. I blame Furry Little Bugger for any mistakes, as the little fuzzball was distracting me from sleep with his god-awful yowling last night, hence my relatively mushy brain today. (And for those who haven't realised, yes, FLB is my cat). **

**Anyway, on with the chapter! And please bear with me, it should pick up pace in the next chapter or two.**

* * *

Amy sighed as she stared into her open wardrobe, clothes strewn over every surface in her room. It was already 7:00, and she still had to pick out her clothes and do her hair and makeup.

_This is why I don't go out more often…_

Natara had stated "wear something nice" in her text, yet if they were going to a club of Blaise's choice, then her choice of clothes would have to be altered drastically.

Amy leant forward into her wardrobe, pulling out more and more clothes until finally settling on a dress she liked.

_Wow, haven't worn this in a while. Forgot I even had it, I swear my wardrobe leads to Narnia sometimes._

_-8:00-_

_Where the hell are they? With Blaise's driving, there's no way they're running late._

"Hey Amy! Get your butt over here!"

Amy started as she heard Blaise's yell, turning towards the sound. She grinned as she saw her two friends, Blaise waving madly. She walked over to the blonde's car, sliding into the backseat.

"You clean up nice, Amy. That dress is sooo cute!"

Amy self-consciously smoothed the hem of the short dress over her thighs as she accepted the compliment, and passed her own judgement on Blaise's pretty, but daringly short, red dress and matching heels. Natara was dressed more practically, in a knee length black skirt dressed up with quarter heels, a gold top and makeup. The agent had her own style that mixed professional, almost business-like skirts and dresses, with sexier tops and shoes. Honestly, it would've looked awful on Amy or Blaise, but suited Natara's personality and looks perfectly.

Natara twisted around in the passenger seat as Blaise pulled out of the driveway. She noticed Amy's obvious discomfort in the unfamiliar clothes. The dress was short, blue and lacy, with a full skirt in the gothic Lolita style. It was cold out, so she'd accessorised with sheer tights and a black jacket. A lace collar, in the same shade as the dress, completed the look.

"So Amy, really going all out tonight, huh?"

Amy looked up at Natara, returning her smile.

"Yeah, thought I might as well… I mean, it's a once-a-year event, and I don't go out much, so…"

The data analyst trailed off, memories from last year's date filling her mind.

_OK, so waterproof mascara was the right way to go._

She blinked away a hint of wetness in her eyes, in time to see Natara looking at her with a hint of concern in her dark eyes. Wordlessly, Natara tiltled her head and watched Amy.

_Are you OK?_

Amy nodded, making an effort to perk up a little – she didn't want to ruin the night.

_Yeah._

"So, Blaise, what's up with you and Jeremy?"

Amy giggled at Blaise's blushing protests to Natara's question, as the girls returned their attention to teasing Blaise mercilessly.

_-Later-_

Amy and Natara reclined in a couch at a secluded corner table, sipping drinks.

"Oh god, is Blaise dancing on a table!?"

Natara leaned over Amy to get a better look at the main room of the club.

Blaise was indeed on a table, dancing closely with a pair of younger men.

Natara sighed, relaxing back into her seat.

"Well, might as well let her have her fun… Although really, those guys are about half our age!"

Amy smirked, resisting the temptation to remind the older brunette that that's never stopped Blaise from her hook-ups before.

"Actually, that dark haired one is kinda hot. OMG he looks just like Keiichiro from Tokyo Mew Mew! And the blonde looks like Howl! Damn he's cute…"

"OK, Amy, sweetie… I have no idea what you just said."

_-11:55-_

Blaise threw herself on the seat next to Natara, slipping off her heels. She'd been dancing all night, while the other two preferred to stay in their corner, singing along to their favourite songs. A little while ago, Amy had pleaded exhaustion and left the two to their own devices, promising to call Natara the next day.

"Hey, isn't that Mal?"

Blaise nudged Natara, pointing to the door of the club. Natara's eyes widened, and she subconsciously glanced at the screen displaying the countdown.

"Hey, what are you waiting for? Go get him!" Blaise pushed Natara out of her seat as "Hero" started playing over the speakers. Natara hesitated, before quickly making up her up her mind, rushing over to Mal before she could panic and miss her chance.

Natara sighed happily as she leaned into Mal, the detective pulling her closer as they danced. The song finally came to end. The screens playing video of the live band turned black, then displayed large, flashing text displaying 1:00.

The numbers slowly started ticking down, until they reached 00:10, at which point everyone in the club stopped, yelling out the countdown along with the screen.

"3!"

"2!"

"1!"

"Happy New Year!"

Mal leaned down, pressing his lips against Natara's. He pulled away after a second, his gaze flicking to Natara's eyes to read her expression, only for Natara to pull him back down into another kiss. They broke apart, and Mal hugged Natara close.

"Happy New Year Mal"

"Happy New Year Natara"

_-11:00-_

Amy flopped onto her couch, simultaneously kicking off her shoes and flicking on the TV, turning to the only channel she knew that didn't care what day it was. The bright, upbeat opening theme to Tokyo Mew Mew filled the silence of her apartment. God, she loved Anime Nights on the Cartoon Network.

A short while later, the data analyst was sprawled on the floor, fancy dress and jewellery forgone in favour of pyjamas and a full carton of ice-cream. Well, it was New Year's after all. She had watched TV all evening, and was probably in serious danger of cavities from the sugary cuteness of Tokyo Mew Mew, which was wearing a bit thin after only two episodes. Instead, she'd opted for re-reading her collection of FAKE, her current favourite shōnen-ai manga. Delighting over the cuteness of the character's unrequited love, she almost missed the doorbell.

"Who the hell is here this late? On New Year's Eve, no less…"

* * *

**A/N: aaand, done with another chapter! Hope you liked it more than I did. Anyway, to clear things up for the non-manga/anime fans, FAKE is a manga series about two (male) cops, and their eventual romance. It's just something I think Amy would read, because it's so damn adorable. The only problem I have with my theory is that the violence and murders may remind her of things she'd rather forget, from her work and from Ken. Anyway, here I am obsessing over a minor detail instead if the damn plot, just like usual. Until next time, best wishes to my lovely readers, and please review!**


	4. Countdown

**A/N: Oh. My. God. I am so sorry! Okay, excuse time. I've been adjusting to the new year of high school, as I'm starting Year 11 in the IB diploma program, which is one tough mother when it comes to homework. My subjects are freaking crazy too – Chemistry is compulsory because of low numbers and it's harder than Physics! I mean, Physics is my easiest subject, which is just messed up. Unfortunately the longer time periods in between chapters are probably here to stay (although they won't be this bad, considering my chapters are awfully short – so more like two weeks, instead of days like before) until May – my class is doing a musical and participation in some form is mandatory, despite my lack of ability, so… yeah. Disclaimer: Don't own, as usual. Basically, if you've seen it before, it ain't mine.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy this incredibly late chapter, dedicated to all my reviewers. Everyone else, share the love and review? And forgive me? Please? **

Amy opened the door cautiously, leaving the safety chain on – she'd had enough freaks in her apartment already.

_Well, I guess this freak is okay._

She removed the chain and swung the door open, admitting Kai into her apartment. He bounced into the main room, giving Amy the sudden mental image of a rather hyperactive puppy begging to play. She closed and securely locked the door, following Kai into the kitchenette where he had already started raiding her fridge.

"Make yourself at home." Amy said with a hint of sarcasm – the forensics expert hardly needed an invitation. She didn't really mind though. Despite the late hour, Kai appeared wide awake, and his energy was somewhat infectious. Only in small doses, though, after while he became exhausting. Amy smirked. Kai was becoming somewhat of a full-time occupation for her while in the lab. Whenever they weren't busy, he always had some form of apparently useful invention, that usually ended up backfiring terribly. Almost like a certain favourite childhood character of hers… Except she didn't see Kai's inventions actually being useful anytime soon.

* * *

A few minutes later, the two relaxed in front of Amy's mini TV, warming their hands around cups of hot chocolate. Kai had been ecstatic when he found a bag of chocolate sprinkles, and had produced mini marshmallows from… somewhere, and now had more of them than hot chocolate. Amy couldn't be bothered trying to work out where the marshmallows came from – probably some freaky experiment in the back of his van. Or Kai just really liked sugar. Probably the latter.

Kai was sprawled across her couch, while Amy sat on the floor with her head resting against the armchair, idly channel surfing. Romantic comedy, westerns, cartoons, countdown and fireworks. She was about to switch again when Kai pawed at her head.

"What the hell, Kai!?"

"Leave it on the cartoons, okay?"

She rolled her eyes and flipped back to the cartoons, sighing as she relaxed back against the chair. Kai rolled onto his stomach, resting his head in his hands, kicking his feet and humming along with the _Avengers_ theme. Amy smirked as she realised how much Kai looked like a little kid sometimes. Acted like it, too. But she wasn't about to refuse the company, enjoying the feeling of an apartment that wasn't empty and lonely. When was the last time she invited anyone over? She couldn't even remember – on the rare occasions that she hung out with the gang from the precinct, they went to the Drunk Tank. This was really only Mal's favourite custom, but it had somehow expanded to include everyone. Most evenings you would find someone from work there – one of the couples on a relaxed date, the boys drinking, sometime just friends hanging out. "Friends" was the best term that could be used to describe their group. They were all so different – families, background, love life. But they were friends, if that aptly describes a group of people who are practically your life. Most of them had saved each other's lives, and returned the favours, yet no one acted like they owed each other. As if saving their friends was just another task in the day, which would be appreciated but not referenced again. As Amy reflected on her year, she realised that she couldn't think of any major event in her life they _hadn't_ been a part of. No matter what happened, whether it be something as important as Ken's funeral, to helping Kai redecorate Nigel, they were all there. Sad times, when they cried together as Ken's body was lowered into the earth, to fun times when they duct taped Kai to Nigel's interior wall while covering him in fake fur. They were all there.

* * *

Amy was shaken from her reverie by the obnoxiously loud sound of yet another cartoon theme. She stretched and checked her clock – 11:50 already! Time had certainly flown, but the fun was debatable. But really, it's still been better than anything she would've done if home alone. Namely, overeat and oversleep. She slowly pushed herself to her feet, moving towards the kitchen. To be more specific, the tub of ice-cream in the mini freezer. Overeating was a New Year's tradition, after all, and you can't just break that kind of tradition. That delicious, chocolaty tradition. Once in the kitchen, Amy removed the tub from the freezer, contemplating a bowl before shrugging and grabbing a spoon. She returned to the lounge, nudging Kai aside so she could sit on the couch.

Kai yawned, noticing the ice-cream.

"That cookies and cream? With fudge sauce?"

Amy briefly considered lying about the flavour, as Kai couldn't see the label, then thought better of it. Kai had some kind of crazy sense enabling him to tell whenever anyone was eating his favourite ice-cream. She returned to the kitchen, then re-entered the lounge, tossing Kai a spoon.

"Wanna watch the fireworks now? I mean, your cartoons are over, and there's ten minutes to go until midnight," Amy suggested, picking up the remote. Kai acquiesced with a nod, mouth crammed full of ice-cream.

"You wanna give me any of that?" Amy coaxed the tub out of Kai's grip, giggling at his childish resistance.

She relocated to the chair, allowing them both to relax with a little more room, the ice-cream settled between them. By 11:59, the tub was empty. Amy yawned lightly as the numbers began to appear on the screen, counting down from ten.

_Ten. _

Natara crying over Oscar.

_Nine._

Mal joking about Anders.

_Eight._

Maria's bittersweet goodbye party.

_Seven._

Patching up Kai after the jetpack experiment went wrong.

_Six._

Working frantically to save the city.

_Five._

Out with the girls, feeling like one of the group for the first time.

_Four._

All the ones they couldn't save.

_Three._

Kai declaring cupcake day at the precinct for Amy's birthday.

_Two._

Ken.

_One._

The future.

Fireworks bloomed on screen as the year came to end. And to a new beginning.

* * *

Amy looked over at Kai, a small smile creeping onto her face as she realised he'd fallen asleep on the couch. She covered him with a blanket, before sneaking to her bedroom, quietly as not to wake him.

**A/N: Well, glad that's done. Cookies to anyone who knows which "childhood character" I'm referring to (I know, that could be like anyone, so the one I'm thinking of is from an awesome 80's adventure movie – released in 1985, I believe, the year Amy was born). Also, about Ken's funeral – I know not all the characters were there. Just changing it up a bit for the purpose of Amy's musings. Thanks for reading.**


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